Gratitude

I sit here, trying to swim through all the thoughts and feelings going through my head and my heart right now. Things in life just seem to completely take over and I realize only too clearly that I am so in over my head right now. But at the same time, I realize that when I feel like I can't make it, and I just want to crawl in a dark hole and never come out, there have been and are things that keep pulling me through. I wanted to make a list of all of those things, mostly for my benefit (so I don't actually try to find a dark hole) but also to share with all of you the things that I am so grateful for in my life right now...
1. Josh, he is my everything and I don't know where I would be without him. Even though we are going through this together, I don't think that either of us could make it alone. Together, I know we have a chance. Even if things don't work out the way we want them to, we will always have each other and that is worth so much more than any material thing we may have.
2. My Parents and J's, they give us so much good advice and even if it is just to listen, especially when they are so busy. I know they care and they show that by not judging us but just by always being there for us, no matter what.
3. Being given the chance to take care of some very wonderful little girls. They are so sweet and I get to spend a lot of time with them. It is kind of hard to explain, I want so much to be a mom! I feel that I have bottled up all this "nurturing" that just has no way of getting out, except with Josh, but I know he gets tired of me "mothering" him. So I am grateful that I have time each week that I can care for these girls. While I know I can't and don't want to compare to being their Mom to them, I am still so glad that I can be there for them when Mommy and Papa can't, that they call me "their Wendy" and that they are always happy to be with me.
4. For my "big sister" April. I never did have a big sis growing up, that's who I am in my family, but April has been such a strength to me. She is always there for me and is always willing to listen, even when the times were so crazy and hard for her, she always goes out of her way for everyone before herself and I look up to her for so many things. She always follows her heart, she is determined in everything she does, she cares deeply for everyone she knows, especially her family. She has been through so, so, SO much and yet she is still pushing on and succeeding. I am so thankful that we "followed" April and her family here, I really believe this is where we are ment to be, I think Heavenly Father knew that we would need each other.
5. I am so glad I can drive down the highway and see all the green fields of the various corn, cotton, and whatever else it is they grow here. It reminds me so much of home when I was younger. And that home feeling is here now, I really feel that where we are now is "home".
6. I am not necessarily glad so many people are going through such hard trials right now, but I am grateful for how these very dificult and diverse trials so many of us are going through, friends and family alike, have brought us all closer together. I don't know if this will make sense to everyone, but I have seen it and felt it very strongly in my life, and I feel that the "bonds" that have been made during these hard times will be the kinds that will last indefinetly, and for that reason I am grateful.
I look back on this list and realize now most of these "things" I am grateful for are actually people. So thank you all for being a part of my life and for being there for us, my heart is so full of love, thank you for helping me keep my focus on the things that are truly important in life, no matter how hard life may seem at any given time.