It's getting late now but I have this problem where if I stay up past 10pm I get a second wind and don't go to bed until about 2am, or later. No wonder my metabolism is so screwed up! Oh well. So as I sit here typing my fingers feel like they are slowing down and freezing, I am seriously so cold! Even with my thick sweater on and being wrapped in my big fuzzy yellow blanket! Now I know what all you family out in Colorado and everyone else where it doesn't get above 30 degrees as the daily high for the next 4 months are thinking, especially my cold-temp loving siblings! Your thinking "girl you are the crazy one, if I were you, where you are, I would be wearing shorts and a t-shirt!" Well, your not me and I am realizing I am more like my mom than I like to admit. You know, I used to be one of the ones who would make fun of her for being cold all the time, but now dagum it, I am turning out just like her! Guess that's karma for ya huh!
This is kind of a random post, not much new is going on, we STILL don't know what we are doing about the house, but then do we ever know what we are doing? Say it with me now... "No Wendy you guys don't". Don't worry, you can say it, it won't hurt our feelings... well ok, so Josh is over in the corner crying, but I'm doin just fine! Lol. But seriously hopefully we will know more of what, or if there is anything else that we can do by the end of this week, we'll see. If not our plan is to just walk away and find a nice refrigerator box, maybe two if we are lucky, and go live under I-10 and Sun Valley Parkway, I hear the Sunsets are beautiful out that way! Then Josh can get side jobs working on cars that will be mysteriously breaking down along that stretch of highway from shards of broken light fixtures, or pieces of tile that would strangely match up with items from the house that we had to leave... hum, interesting.
Ok, wow I am getting a little tired and probably a lot crazy so I think I am going to go and try to sleep, if I don't freeze trying to make my way up the stairs that is!
Monday, December 29, 2008
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Gratitude
I sit here, trying to swim through all the thoughts and feelings going through my head and my heart right now. Things in life just seem to completely take over and I realize only too clearly that I am so in over my head right now. But at the same time, I realize that when I feel like I can't make it, and I just want to crawl in a dark hole and never come out, there have been and are things that keep pulling me through. I wanted to make a list of all of those things, mostly for my benefit (so I don't actually try to find a dark hole) but also to share with all of you the things that I am so grateful for in my life right now...
1. Josh, he is my everything and I don't know where I would be without him. Even though we are going through this together, I don't think that either of us could make it alone. Together, I know we have a chance. Even if things don't work out the way we want them to, we will always have each other and that is worth so much more than any material thing we may have.
2. My Parents and J's, they give us so much good advice and even if it is just to listen, especially when they are so busy. I know they care and they show that by not judging us but just by always being there for us, no matter what.
3. Being given the chance to take care of some very wonderful little girls. They are so sweet and I get to spend a lot of time with them. It is kind of hard to explain, I want so much to be a mom! I feel that I have bottled up all this "nurturing" that just has no way of getting out, except with Josh, but I know he gets tired of me "mothering" him. So I am grateful that I have time each week that I can care for these girls. While I know I can't and don't want to compare to being their Mom to them, I am still so glad that I can be there for them when Mommy and Papa can't, that they call me "their Wendy" and that they are always happy to be with me.
4. For my "big sister" April. I never did have a big sis growing up, that's who I am in my family, but April has been such a strength to me. She is always there for me and is always willing to listen, even when the times were so crazy and hard for her, she always goes out of her way for everyone before herself and I look up to her for so many things. She always follows her heart, she is determined in everything she does, she cares deeply for everyone she knows, especially her family. She has been through so, so, SO much and yet she is still pushing on and succeeding. I am so thankful that we "followed" April and her family here, I really believe this is where we are ment to be, I think Heavenly Father knew that we would need each other.
5. I am so glad I can drive down the highway and see all the green fields of the various corn, cotton, and whatever else it is they grow here. It reminds me so much of home when I was younger. And that home feeling is here now, I really feel that where we are now is "home".
6. I am not necessarily glad so many people are going through such hard trials right now, but I am grateful for how these very dificult and diverse trials so many of us are going through, friends and family alike, have brought us all closer together. I don't know if this will make sense to everyone, but I have seen it and felt it very strongly in my life, and I feel that the "bonds" that have been made during these hard times will be the kinds that will last indefinetly, and for that reason I am grateful.
I look back on this list and realize now most of these "things" I am grateful for are actually people. So thank you all for being a part of my life and for being there for us, my heart is so full of love, thank you for helping me keep my focus on the things that are truly important in life, no matter how hard life may seem at any given time.
1. Josh, he is my everything and I don't know where I would be without him. Even though we are going through this together, I don't think that either of us could make it alone. Together, I know we have a chance. Even if things don't work out the way we want them to, we will always have each other and that is worth so much more than any material thing we may have.
2. My Parents and J's, they give us so much good advice and even if it is just to listen, especially when they are so busy. I know they care and they show that by not judging us but just by always being there for us, no matter what.
3. Being given the chance to take care of some very wonderful little girls. They are so sweet and I get to spend a lot of time with them. It is kind of hard to explain, I want so much to be a mom! I feel that I have bottled up all this "nurturing" that just has no way of getting out, except with Josh, but I know he gets tired of me "mothering" him. So I am grateful that I have time each week that I can care for these girls. While I know I can't and don't want to compare to being their Mom to them, I am still so glad that I can be there for them when Mommy and Papa can't, that they call me "their Wendy" and that they are always happy to be with me.
4. For my "big sister" April. I never did have a big sis growing up, that's who I am in my family, but April has been such a strength to me. She is always there for me and is always willing to listen, even when the times were so crazy and hard for her, she always goes out of her way for everyone before herself and I look up to her for so many things. She always follows her heart, she is determined in everything she does, she cares deeply for everyone she knows, especially her family. She has been through so, so, SO much and yet she is still pushing on and succeeding. I am so thankful that we "followed" April and her family here, I really believe this is where we are ment to be, I think Heavenly Father knew that we would need each other.
5. I am so glad I can drive down the highway and see all the green fields of the various corn, cotton, and whatever else it is they grow here. It reminds me so much of home when I was younger. And that home feeling is here now, I really feel that where we are now is "home".
6. I am not necessarily glad so many people are going through such hard trials right now, but I am grateful for how these very dificult and diverse trials so many of us are going through, friends and family alike, have brought us all closer together. I don't know if this will make sense to everyone, but I have seen it and felt it very strongly in my life, and I feel that the "bonds" that have been made during these hard times will be the kinds that will last indefinetly, and for that reason I am grateful.
I look back on this list and realize now most of these "things" I am grateful for are actually people. So thank you all for being a part of my life and for being there for us, my heart is so full of love, thank you for helping me keep my focus on the things that are truly important in life, no matter how hard life may seem at any given time.
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