The "Joys" of Baking

Oh what a night it has been...where to begin? It all started with a grand plan of a beautiful birthday cake, one for a very special little niece who will soon be turning five. She loves pink and so I planned for everything to be pink, the cake the icing, the works! And she loves Barbies, and princesses and especially loves "Barbie and the Dimond Castle" right now. So hum, big suprise, want to guess what her birthday theme is this year?!?!? Wouldn't it be perfect then to make her a barbie princess birthday cake, that can be over the top girly pink and princessy. And so I set out, the cakes are now baked, oh and they came out so perfectly (I know because I made two little cupcakes from the cake mix since there was some extra, one for me to taste to make sure it was perfect, the other for Josh so he doesn't get mad at me for not thinking of him - heaven forbid!) I had everything all planned out perfectly so that I could take my time and not rush to create this beautiful cake for E. Well I guess I should have learn by now that no plan can go by without a few "hiccups" or I guess in my case, problems with gravity. It's that way to keep us on our toes right? That is what I keep telling myself anyway! I was getting a little low on powdered sugar, but I figured if I measured everything out exactly and use the little bit of extra icing I had left over from the Easter Cake (pics are coming) that I would be ok and have enough to get this cake done. So the measuring began and oh I felt so lucky when I even had a little bit left over in the bag, for just in case, of course. So far things were still going perfectly, as planned. I melted the marshmallows to get the fondant going, got those done and ready to add the sugar. So I grab the bowl with the measured out sugar when I suddenly realized I forgot to grease the mixing bowl (at this point I was thinking, oh man I'm so glad I didn't forget to do that, what a mess that would have been!) Ha! Little did I know... so I quickly, oh too quickly set the bowl down on what I thought was a solid complete surface called the counter, right next to the mixing bowl. Anyone else ever get so focused that you don't pay attention to the exact details of your surroundings? Yeah, so I was so focused on making sure that I greased my mixing bowl before putting the sticky marshmallows in that I forgot to take in the fact that I kinda sorta only placed the bowl full of powered sugar (only 8 CUPS!!! ONLY!) on the edge of the counter instead of completely on the counter, and so for some reason gravity thought it had to work and not cut me any slack, just this one time, so the results were, well let me just show you take a look below:

and of course I was standing right in the middle of it...

and one more, just to take in the full effects of powdered sugar taking a "joy ride" off the counter...

Surprisingly, even to myself I didn't get mad, or upset, I just started laughing! What else could I do?!?! So here is my new plan... I am sitting here in my powdered sugar covered pants and feet, writing this while waiting for J to get home from work. Then I am going to show him what a productive and "event-fall" evening I had while he was gone. Then I will have him help me clean it up, which I am sure he will be oh so willing to do since I now plan to use the one remaining cupcake as a bribe!!

They're everywhere!

So this is just a real quick post to show you all that aren't here in beautiful AZ how full of "wildlife" this desert really is... take example "A" - our back yard.
Right now is Cricket season, no not the game where you hit a ball with a mallet, literally crickets! They are everywhere! See for yourself:

Yeah! See all those litte black specks - they are all grasshoppers ranging in different sizes from baby-size to kinda big and scary when they fly directly at your face-size! Oh well it could be worse I guess, glad there aren't as many scorpions as there are these little guys...yet anyway!
Oh and here is a picture J took and wants to show off - for those of you who don't know one of his (MANY) obsessions is bees... and yes they're out everywhere too!

Happy Highways!

I LOVE this time of year! The flowers are blooming everywhere and the weather is so, so beautiful! One of my most absolutely favorite things to do right now is driving down the highway, I-10 to be exact... it makes me so happy! Crazy, is that what you're thinking I am? Well not completely, but I just can't help but getting this joyful, free spirited, happy-go-lucky feeling when I drive down the highway right now, all thanks to the beautiful yellow flowered plants (even if they are weeds - so what!) that grow all along the sides of said highway. Most of you may know, and if you didn't you do now, yellow is my absolute most favorite color and so seeing it flocking me on both sides of my drive down that long road just makes me happy. These pictures don't even do it any justice for those of you that don't live around here, but it was the best I could do, just image lots of bright, jolly, yellow flowers everywhere... and if you do live around here, I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I do, or at least pretend to, just to humor me, then who knows... you may even end up with a smile on your face too!!

What a Goof Ball!!

Josh is really good friends with our neighbor Shae. They like to hang out alot, but yesterday was just too funny. So Shae comes over and (just like little kids) they had a snack and were trying to figure out what to do. I got a good giggle from listening to their ideas of things to do... go ride bikes, play video games, go try to find somewhere to hike or the last (and best of all) go race. Yeah that's right, and that is what they decided to do first. So they finished stuffing their faces with their snack (peach cobbler) tighten their shoes and belts then saunter out into the garage, heading out to the great race. Just for fun I asked what they were up to, I was in another room and I don't think they knew I was listening to them. Josh got that big old grin he gets on his face when he is up to no good and said they were headed outside to race. He very confidently and manlyish said he was going to kick Shae's butt. "So where is this race happening and WHY are you racing anyway?" trying to hold a laugh back, I asked. His reply - "Out in the steet and because we want to." Ok then! So out they went and I scooted my chair to the nearest window to watch the whole thing go down. Ah... it was so funny to watch - you would have thought they were 10 years old again not 27 and 35! Shae works out a lot more than Josh does so my bet was actually going against my hubby, I know what a supportive wife right?!?!? But I was right on. Their faces were set dead serious when they started and a whole like 15 seconds later it was all over, with Shae fifty feet in front of Josh. No long distance runs for them - basically it was the distance between their driveway and ours. And so the "great" race had ended and they were back in the house only a minute later, huffing and puffing, yet by the looks on their faces it's like they had climbed Mt. Everest or something. Josh says he is going to beat him next time... we'll see! Lol

Hate it!

I just need to let some steam, or hate or whatever you want to call it out. Hate for something that has to completely control my body and life - what I wouldn't give to be able to have one day, just one day, or a whole life, that would be nice, where I didn't have to worry about what my bloodsugars are, or to have to know that my being alive is dependent on a little vial of liquid. Or hey wouldn't it be great to just go and eat something without having to count carbs and punch numbers into my "pancreas" which would be really great to not have attach to me 24/7 either. I wonder how many kids we would have by now if I didn't have diabetes? I hate it. I try not to let it run my life, but its a little hard to have it not to because it is a constant, never ending, always there thing. An always there, and will never go away thing, wow I have SO much to look forward to. I know I am complaining alot and I appologize for that, but I just have to let it out, shed a couple tears and then get on with my life. I guess I am just a little scared too, so far I haven't ever had any major problems, but now I have to go on thyroid medicine and it just feels horrible I am not even stinking 30 yet. My doc said that it is normal though for a person that has had diabetes as long as I have to have to go on this medicine, because after 24 years of it your body just starts to wear out. Great so what's it going to be like in another 10 years? I want to do everything that I can to keep myself healthy but I am just so burned out. I have to take this as a wake up call and do better than I am now. I have to stop slipping into my old, bad habits. But even then who is to say something isn't going to happen, like today, my site fell out and I didn't even feel it, until I started feeling really sick and finally figure out that it came out, for I don't even know how many hours. So instead of doing more packing like I was planning I ended up on the couch for a couple hours, waiting to get to the point where I finally had enough energy to get up again. And what if I was pregnant right now?!?!? That would have been so bad - I don't know if I can even handle trying to have a baby, there is just so much risk, for the baby, and for me. And seriously do I really want to pass it on? The chances are even higher for me though because the more siblings you have that have diabetes the higher the chances are that your child(ren) will get it too... and I am at 3 siblings and counting that have it now. Four of us, that is like a guarenteed diagnosis for the kids, if we do ever have any. I don't want to make that choice for someone, and to be honest I don't know if I could ever be able to take care of me and a little one that has it too... I can't even take care of myself, I just don't think that I can do it. Josh thinks I can though, I try to explain to him, but I don't know if he completely understands my concerns and fears. But he loves me anyways, even if I can't give him a child, he still wants me and still loves me, I don't deserve him.
Well, believe it or not I do feel a little better, its not usually this bad, I just had a bad night tonight, but I will push on because I have to, and believe it or not I do want to.

Brrrrr...

It's getting late now but I have this problem where if I stay up past 10pm I get a second wind and don't go to bed until about 2am, or later. No wonder my metabolism is so screwed up! Oh well. So as I sit here typing my fingers feel like they are slowing down and freezing, I am seriously so cold! Even with my thick sweater on and being wrapped in my big fuzzy yellow blanket! Now I know what all you family out in Colorado and everyone else where it doesn't get above 30 degrees as the daily high for the next 4 months are thinking, especially my cold-temp loving siblings! Your thinking "girl you are the crazy one, if I were you, where you are, I would be wearing shorts and a t-shirt!" Well, your not me and I am realizing I am more like my mom than I like to admit. You know, I used to be one of the ones who would make fun of her for being cold all the time, but now dagum it, I am turning out just like her! Guess that's karma for ya huh!
This is kind of a random post, not much new is going on, we STILL don't know what we are doing about the house, but then do we ever know what we are doing? Say it with me now... "No Wendy you guys don't". Don't worry, you can say it, it won't hurt our feelings... well ok, so Josh is over in the corner crying, but I'm doin just fine! Lol. But seriously hopefully we will know more of what, or if there is anything else that we can do by the end of this week, we'll see. If not our plan is to just walk away and find a nice refrigerator box, maybe two if we are lucky, and go live under I-10 and Sun Valley Parkway, I hear the Sunsets are beautiful out that way! Then Josh can get side jobs working on cars that will be mysteriously breaking down along that stretch of highway from shards of broken light fixtures, or pieces of tile that would strangely match up with items from the house that we had to leave... hum, interesting.
Ok, wow I am getting a little tired and probably a lot crazy so I think I am going to go and try to sleep, if I don't freeze trying to make my way up the stairs that is!

Gratitude

I sit here, trying to swim through all the thoughts and feelings going through my head and my heart right now. Things in life just seem to completely take over and I realize only too clearly that I am so in over my head right now. But at the same time, I realize that when I feel like I can't make it, and I just want to crawl in a dark hole and never come out, there have been and are things that keep pulling me through. I wanted to make a list of all of those things, mostly for my benefit (so I don't actually try to find a dark hole) but also to share with all of you the things that I am so grateful for in my life right now...
1. Josh, he is my everything and I don't know where I would be without him. Even though we are going through this together, I don't think that either of us could make it alone. Together, I know we have a chance. Even if things don't work out the way we want them to, we will always have each other and that is worth so much more than any material thing we may have.
2. My Parents and J's, they give us so much good advice and even if it is just to listen, especially when they are so busy. I know they care and they show that by not judging us but just by always being there for us, no matter what.
3. Being given the chance to take care of some very wonderful little girls. They are so sweet and I get to spend a lot of time with them. It is kind of hard to explain, I want so much to be a mom! I feel that I have bottled up all this "nurturing" that just has no way of getting out, except with Josh, but I know he gets tired of me "mothering" him. So I am grateful that I have time each week that I can care for these girls. While I know I can't and don't want to compare to being their Mom to them, I am still so glad that I can be there for them when Mommy and Papa can't, that they call me "their Wendy" and that they are always happy to be with me.
4. For my "big sister" April. I never did have a big sis growing up, that's who I am in my family, but April has been such a strength to me. She is always there for me and is always willing to listen, even when the times were so crazy and hard for her, she always goes out of her way for everyone before herself and I look up to her for so many things. She always follows her heart, she is determined in everything she does, she cares deeply for everyone she knows, especially her family. She has been through so, so, SO much and yet she is still pushing on and succeeding. I am so thankful that we "followed" April and her family here, I really believe this is where we are ment to be, I think Heavenly Father knew that we would need each other.
5. I am so glad I can drive down the highway and see all the green fields of the various corn, cotton, and whatever else it is they grow here. It reminds me so much of home when I was younger. And that home feeling is here now, I really feel that where we are now is "home".
6. I am not necessarily glad so many people are going through such hard trials right now, but I am grateful for how these very dificult and diverse trials so many of us are going through, friends and family alike, have brought us all closer together. I don't know if this will make sense to everyone, but I have seen it and felt it very strongly in my life, and I feel that the "bonds" that have been made during these hard times will be the kinds that will last indefinetly, and for that reason I am grateful.
I look back on this list and realize now most of these "things" I am grateful for are actually people. So thank you all for being a part of my life and for being there for us, my heart is so full of love, thank you for helping me keep my focus on the things that are truly important in life, no matter how hard life may seem at any given time.